In all of the streaming world, there’s no feeling quite like the almost Lewis Carroll-ian wonders of falling down an Amazon Prime rabbit hole. Although we’ve done our best in the past to disseminate information about Prime Video’s weirdness—such as the fact that it’s still essentially impossible to browse its titles in any meaningful way thanks to a broken UI—it’s pretty much impossible to fully convey just how much wondrous junk is technically part of your Prime subscription.
That’s the beauty of it—everyone with a Prime subscription has access to tens of thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of bizarre films that will never see the light of day for 99.99% of the subscriber base. And given that we spend so much time combing through Prime (and all the other streaming services) to compile lists of the best streaming content, we’re often put on a collision course with these bizarre titles. Fascinated by all the weird stuff I would come across, I collected 30 of the strangest, most stupid B-horror movies I could find on Prime, and published it as a list back in June. But guess what? There’s so much more! Uncountable legions more, and as I went back to write more Prime lists, I just began discovering brand new horror trash I knew needed to be documented.
So here we are once again, taking a deep dive into the seedy underbelly of your Prime Video subscription. Every one of these films was available for free on Prime when I wrote the list, and most likely still are now, if you want to check one out. Note: We do not recommend that you check them out.
As ever, I discovered every one of these while simply trying to do my job and browse Amazon Prime. Enjoy.
Only an idiot would ever say something like “We’ll never sink lower than Sharknado,” being unaware that there’s an entire industry dedicated to ripping off movies that were already terrible. It gets so much worse, folks. So, so much worse.
One of my favorite bad movie naming conventions will always be the use of fake Latin, or even better—the unfounded, totally random use of actual Latin. Really classes up a movie.
The Amazon Prime Video listing says “2017,” but this is clearly some sort of odd TV special from the early 1990s. But you just know it was conceived with something along the lines of “Hey Adam West, you were once on a TV show with a famous car, want to host this special about spooky automobiles?”
They said that nothing could surpass Serial Rabbit IV. They were wrong.
This one is so gleefully, willfully stupid that it immediately became my favorite. No amount of cynicism can resist the pull of Panman. Panman is the only true cinéma vérité. Panman will be all that remains of the Before Time when the vestiges of humanity coalesce into a new civilization after the Wasting Years.
“I own a thesaurus, and I need you to know about it.”
Computer, please create a new file next to Clownado, so I can lump all of these shameless Asylum rip-offs next to each other.
The director assumes you are well aware of “the Black Eyed Children phenomenon.” If I’m not mistaken, that’s a new dance craze that’s been sweeping the nation?
Of all the nights for my police cruiser to break down on the edge of Demon Town, it just HAD to be the evening I was transporting “legendary serial killer” Bonejangles! Some guys just can’t catch a break, amiright?
The first thing you learn at film school is that “Y” is the edgiest letter, especially in the context of your Underworld rip-off.
Doctor Spine (2015)
Could you not insert practically any body part into this title? Dr. Skull? Dr. Kneecap? Dr. Gallbladder? It all works.
Death at a Barbecue (2017)
57 films into the “Death at a Public Place” series, you’d think some cracks would be showing in the foundation, but they’re just as fresh and vital as ever!
Christmas with Cookie (2016)
“This sci-fi Christmas comedy is narrated by an over the top, funny and rude elf named Cookie!”
Forget the Black Eyed Children phenomena; that’s old news. Now it’s all about the Spook Light phenomena.
You thought a single documentary could plumb the depths of the mysteries of the Spook Light phenomena? Were you really that naive?
Bong of the Living Dead (2019)
Credit where credit is due: Filmmaking hacks don’t only rip off movies from The Asylum. Sometimes they also rip off filmmakers like Charles Band and his seminal Evil Bong series.
When your choice of props is limited to “whatever’s in the tool shed,” and every halfway menacing slasher killer name has already been claimed.
Curse of the Slasher Nurse (2017)
Ah yes, the woods: Precisely where one has to be on the lookout for slasher nurses.
A protagonist named “Justice” searching for a serial killer named “Crimson Gray” is exactly the quality of writing I would expect from the person who named their film Deadtroit.
Fat Guy with a Shotgun (2019)
I remember those halcyon days when fat guys could venture forth into public with their shotguns without someone making a movie about it.
Zombie with a Shotgun (2019)
OHHHH, it’s the “with a shotgun” cinematic universe, I see.
“With a ridiculously high body count, girl on girl action and more beer and drugs than even someone with tiger blood could handle, GNOMERCY will introduce you to a brand new boogeyman.”
Gotta get those Charlie Sheen references in while they’re still totally timely and fresh, right?
The Hooker Cult Murders (1973)
The synopsis here actually sounds like typical, vintage sleaze of its era, but when you actually follow through on naming a film The Hooker Cult Murders, you’ve got to expect a little eye rolling.
Hot archaeological horror action!
Moonshine Meat Market Mayhem (2017)
I have nothing more to add to the awesomeness of this title. A+, next entry please.
I don’t think this title was actually run through Google Translate several times; it merely looks like it was.
Mad Cow (2017)
I’ve got to stop leaving my precious scripts for half-man, half-cow monster movies in public places.
Night of the Wererooster (2015)
You’re never going to hear me stumping for Thankskilling as a work of sublime artistic merit, but I promise it has more going for it than Night of the Wererooster.
Confronting the Pigster demon doesn’t sound all that bad, considering the alternative is coming face to face with Clint Howard.
Jim Vorel is a Paste staff writer and resident genre geek. You can follow him on Twitter for more film and TV writing.