It’s only Wednesday, and here’s the week our president has already has:
1. He decided he wanted to buy Greenland, and then insulted and cancelled a meeting with Denmark’s Prime Minister when she understandably refused to sell us the rapidly disappearing island.
2. He retweeted a fringe conspiracy theorist who called the President “the King of Israel” and claimed that Israelis treat Trump like “the second coming of God”.
3. And then just earlier today he cut out the middleman and straight up claimed divinity for himself, looking to the sky and calling himself “The Chosen One” when discussing his trade war with China.
This is all on top of the typical and expected Trump madness—claiming that prominent Democrats “hate all Jews,” calling any Jewish American who votes for Democrats disloyal and stupid, and engaging in a very public (and very petty) feud with fellow jackass (and former press secretary) Anthony Scaramucci.
(Aaaaaaaaaaand breaking: apparently earlier today Trump said he was looking into doing away with birthright citizenship, even though that’s codified in the Constitution. Dude doesn’t know a damn thing.)
Trump’s manifest incompetence has never really been funny. It’s easy to make jokes about how consistently and completely ridiculous he is, but they have the tenor and tone of the jokes Romanians told about former dictator Nicolae Ceausescu—grim commiseration over how frightening the leadership of our country has become. I don’t feel comfortable joking about any of the stuff I just listed out above, especially the rank antisemitism, but when you’re in a situation that feels this hopeless it can help to make fun of it all. So here are the funniest tweets about all of Trump’s latest lies, bigotry and blasphemies. And as always, if any of these comments makes you laugh, consider following whoever wrote them on the cursed catastrophe that is Twitter.
All of you laughed at me for building a scoreboard that tracked the number of days since America last got into a feud with Denmark. Well, who’s laughing now?— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) August 21, 2019
1775-2018 Denmark: quietly owns Greenland1946-2018 Donald Trump: never thinks or maybe knows about Greenland?2019 Donald Trump: I want to buy Greenland.2019 Denmark: What? No, of course not.2019 Donald Trump: THAT’S RIDICULOUS!!!!!— Jeremy Woodcock (@jwPencilAndPad) August 21, 2019
If we take one thing from Denmark can it be their health care system— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) August 17, 2019
2019: Lololol Donald Trump wants to buy Greenland from Denmark2024: I think it’s time for a gradual withdrawal of troops from Copenhagen— Brian Tashman (@briantashman) August 21, 2019
One of worst parts of Trump’s presidency is everyone taking strong stances on shit they never thought about 15 minutes before. I’m gonna sit this one out and remain vaguely anti Denmark because I mistakenly think they’re the ones with the wooden shoes and look into it no further— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) August 21, 2019
“I’m not going to Denmark because they won’t sell me Greenland” is a level of stupid I naively never thought we would attain.— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) August 21, 2019
Would be great if when we elect the next president, Denmark just straight up gives her Greenland as an inauguration gift.— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) August 21, 2019
okay so today the president said jews are stupid and got mad when he couldn’t buy greenland— Megan Amram (@meganamram) August 21, 2019
Lot of talk about where lies the loyalty of the unknowable Jewish heart these days a traditionally healthy barometer of society.— luke (normal) (@lukeoneil47) August 21, 2019
This is probably the first time Trump ever said no to a Danish— Will Bunch (@Will_Bunch) August 21, 2019
Always worth repeating: “supporting” Israel because you have fevered medieval superstitions about it being the site of a climactic battle b/t God & Satan, during which all actual Jews will go to hell, is a weird kind of support.— David Roberts (@drvox) August 20, 2019
“I give up,” says every editor at The Onion. pic.twitter.com/imf3bpvCDG— Bill Grueskin (@BGrueskin) August 21, 2019
ideally, you want the King of the Jews and the guy who literally called Nazis “very fine people” to be two different people— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) August 21, 2019
TRUMP: I am the chosen one. I’m so chosen. God chose me as King of Israel, and American Jews, they need—WH CORRESPONDENT (shouting over helicopter blades): Mr. President, any words of advice for Sean Spicer on Dancing with the Stars???— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) August 21, 2019
Whenever he has talked to or about Jews, Trump has been very plain about what he thinks about them, which is that they Love Deals and Having All The Money, and that Israel is their real home. He is incapable of concealing anything. The people that can’t see this don’t want to.— David Roth (@david_j_roth) August 21, 2019
im beginning to think republicans were lying all those times they said they were “strict constitutionalists” https://t.co/O0OWS1U4HK— John DeVore (@JohnDeVore) August 21, 2019
Whew sorry I’m late. Israel activated my loyalty implant and my eyes rolled backwards and I turned and faced East and recited the Sh’ma in a droning, disembodied trance state for like 45 minutes did you guys order yet?— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) August 21, 2019
Joe Biden excitedly waves sheafs of paper polling results showing that .056% of Republicans disagree with Trump’s contention that he is the chosen one“Folks, these are the voters we must win!”— Shane Ryan (@ShaneRyanHere) August 21, 2019
God it would have ruled so hard if the president shit his pants and died right after revealing himself to be The Chosen One— Nikki (@TurboGrandma) August 21, 2019
My heart goes out to all the Christians who continue to support Trump. I can only imagine how heartbreaking it will be for them to discover they’ve been catfished by the #Antichrist.— Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) August 21, 2019
The 4 horsemen of the apocalypse will be riding golf carts. Because Trump’s sons shot all of the horses.— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) August 21, 2019
“Self-described King of the Jews feuding with Denmark” is definitely the most Wednesday of news— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) August 21, 2019
Ah yes, the King of the Jews pic.twitter.com/GqZOZtVivn— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) August 21, 2019
Wow I can’t believe Trump actually meant the bad interpretation of the thing he said, and not the tortured hair-splitting interpretation everyone trying to defend him came up with— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) August 21, 2019
The correct response to another person calling you the second coming of God is to exit Penn Station as quickly as possible— Erin Electable White Man Ryan (@morninggloria) August 21, 2019