No long-winded preamble this time. Donald Trump, a rat colony in a man suit, read Stephen Miller’s speech off a screen tonight, in front of a Congress that is either totally over his bullshit or totally still cool with riding that bullshit in hopes of getting even more tax cuts out of it. Trump was Trump: a braggart and a blowhard who thinks he can get his way by disrespecting his opponents into submission. Oh, and he’s racist, too. Don’t forget that part.
Look, if you watched this thing, you knew what you were getting into. An asshole was going to say hateful stuff that got applause from a bunch of other assholes, and the non-assholes in the room were going to be limited to symbolic actions like not applauding and wearing all white. The State of the Union is a pointless spectacle full of empty bluster aimed squarely at a president’s base, and the only worthwhile reaction to it in 2019 is to simply mock the hell out of the way. Trump deserves no respect, and the State of the Union deserves no respect, so let’s just use Twitter to give ‘em all the disrespect they richly deserve.
Here are the funniest tweets we could scrounge up about this farce. Go ahead and follow all the folks who wrote ‘em—the only thing Twitter is good for are some grim chuckles amid the slow dismantling of human life, and these folks can dish ‘em up but good.
Oh yeah: that kid asleep in the photo above is Joshua Trump (no relation). He was one of the president’s guests of honor tonight, invited because he was being bullied because of his last name. I don’t know (or care) if he has any political beliefs at all (hopefully he’s still pure and innocent), but I can guarantee you that every person in that room, and every person watching or listening to Trump’s speech, wanted to do exactly what Joshua was doing when that photo was taken.
Okay, joke time.
finally, a chance to hear the President’s opinions!!! #SOTU— Alex Schmidt (@AlexSchmidty) February 5, 2019
Transcript of the beginning of Trump’s #SOTU:“I see a lot of haters and losers here, Cryin’ Chuck Schumer, Pocahontas, Crazy Maxine Waters, little Adam Schitt…Anyway, let’s have some unity.”— Nick Jack Pappas (@Pappiness) February 5, 2019
Tonight is probably our best chance to see a President Of The United States literally poop his pants during the State Of The Union and I just hope we all appreciate that.— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) February 5, 2019
trump is trying hard for UNITY but he hasn’t offered anyone cold fast food yet so he clearly doesn’t mean it— maura quint (@behindyourback) February 6, 2019
Can’t believe Trump’s invited guest was Fuck Jerry.— Desi (@DesiJed) February 6, 2019
This is not a respectful way to talk about the State of the Union, Jason.— Mark Harris (@MarkHarrisNYC) February 6, 2019
Super excited to celebrate President Trump’s third State Of The Union address by shooting myself in the fucking head!— Dumb Idiot Riley Fox (@riley_fox) February 6, 2019
What if Trump started trying to sell steaks to these representatives as he makes his way down to the podium.— Jon Wurster (@jonwurster) February 6, 2019
The thing about Trump is that he’s so dumb and lies so much that there’s no point in knowing anything he says unless it’s funny. Don’t even carry it live. Put it on Seeso. Unless somebody hacked the prompter with the “milk milk lemonade poem” ain’t shit happening tonight— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) February 6, 2019
This is longer than Trump ever read to any of his kids.#SOTU— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 6, 2019
Trump pretending he cares about the well being of women is about as believable as if he stood up there saying he cares about people paying their contractors.— mike mulloy (@fakemikemulloy) February 6, 2019
Are there people dumber than Trump? Probably. Somewhere. Could I name ten of them? Or even five? No. It is INSANE that this isn’t even remotely an exaggeration.— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) February 6, 2019
speech interrupted as josh trump is batted around like a human tetherball by the Covington kids— hey there mister! (@crushingbort) February 6, 2019
enjoying trump cocking his head and hanging a corner of the mouth like “THAT’S the next word? I’ll be damned!”— #occupymarwen (@Mobute) February 6, 2019
Really diverse range of people that Trump is exploiting tonight. #SOTU— Hari Kondabolu (@harikondabolu) February 6, 2019
Was enjoying live-tweeting Trump stammering through this with you, but now he’s just lying about immigrants to thunderous applause from old white men, and it feels so gross, I’m going to throw my laptop in the bathtub goodbye #SOTU— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) February 6, 2019
Lie, lie, egregious comment, lie, petulant dig at the Dems, lie, lie, outrageous lie, unchecked stupidity, lie, lie, dumb joke he thinks is charming, lie, bold-faced lie, verifiable lie, faux platitude, lie, “winning,” border crisis, caravan, racist rhetoric. – #SOTU Recap— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) February 6, 2019
#SOTU DRINKING GAME: every time they cut to a democrat rolling their eyes take a…..my liver just exploded— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) February 6, 2019
This is the Super Bowl of lying. #SOTU— albertina rizzo (@albz) February 6, 2019
I feel like Rick Perry wasn’t supposed to be the designated survivor, he just accidentally locked himself in his bathroom 2 hours ago https://t.co/cp8ShL7cyN— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) February 6, 2019
me when the waiter talks to someone who came in after me https://t.co/A5hqpviJqW— Travis Helwig (@travishelwig) February 6, 2019
nancy pelosi checking the printed speech like when’s the intermission— Desus Nice (@desusnice) February 6, 2019
The State of the Union better end with a pair of sunglasses descending from the ceiling onto Nancy Pelosi’s face.— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) February 6, 2019
[sports voice] Folks, he’s going for it! Backed into a corner, he’s making a break for it with a full-throated xenophobic police state sales pitch!! I haven’t seen this kind of brash nativism since a young Viktor Orban strode onto the stage in Hungary! #SOTU— Johnny McNulty (@JohnnyMcNulty) February 6, 2019
I had planned on live-tweeting that Blaze TV “after party” at the Trump Hotel but pretty sure I will be dead.— ana marie cox (@anamariecox) February 6, 2019
Watching pimple popping videos instead of the SOTU because I find it less gross than Trump.— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) February 6, 2019
trump’s adderall guy gave him the good shit tonight #sotu— Zoë Klar (@zoeklar) February 6, 2019
Trump is living in such an alternate reality he’s about to defend the Porzingis trade #SOTU— Matt Goldich (@MattGoldich) February 6, 2019
The U.S. now owes the person who owns the “Happy Birthday” song, 100 MILLION DOLLARS. #SOTU— Hari Kondabolu (@harikondabolu) February 6, 2019
marines roll in coffin punctured by gnarls of tree roots and dripping clods of mudTrump: The first soldier to die at Antietam… beautiful Antietam…— #occupymarwen (@Mobute) February 6, 2019
Trump just hates abortion because he’s always being asked to pay for one— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) February 6, 2019
ok, it is very clear that trump had to practice pronouncing Dachau many times, and credit where credit is due: he shouted it right— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) February 6, 2019
The only punishment we’ve come up with Trump so far is that he has to listen to every Donald Trump speech.— ??LOLGOP?? (@LOLGOP) February 6, 2019
I think we all owe the Super Bowl and Adam Levine a big apology. #SOTU— Josh Comers (@joshcomers) February 6, 2019
AIDS will be eliminated in America in a decade because GLOBAL WARMING WILL KILL US ALL. #SOTU— Hari Kondabolu (@harikondabolu) February 6, 2019
I was gonna do a super-cool live stream with a funny conservative but I couldn’t find one. #SOTU— Dan Ewen (@VaguelyFunnyDan) February 6, 2019