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Colbert Plays White Guy Bingo During Donald Trump's SCOTUS Pick Announcement

Comedy News Stephen Colbert
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Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy announced his retirement two weeks ago, and we all thought “something terrible this way comes.” Kennedy was a conservative justice who often provided key votes on cases concerning same-sex marriage, abortion access and affirmative action.

His retirement gave President Donald Trump his second opportunity to nominate a justice, and his pick would likely create a block of five staunch conservative justices who would move the court further to the right and cement a conservative majority for the foreseeable future. For pro-life aficionados and people who believe same-sex marriage should be a given, this does not bode well.

Well, now we have a maybe-answer to the question of “who will take the seat” in the form of Brett Kavanaugh. Kavanaugh is a United States Circuit Judge in the Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit and was previously White House Staff Secretary during the presidency of George W. Bush. The Late Show host Stephen Colbert has some immediate concerns about the “cover model for generic dads monthly.”

On Tuesday night, Colbert dived into the reality-TV-like nomination announcement to give viewers a rundown of Kavanaugh and share his speculations for why Trump may have chosen him. He even turned the whole ordeal into a drinking game; “I would pour myself a drink every time my glass was empty. I won.”

“I don’t know much about Kavanaugh, but I’m skeptical because his name is Brett. That sounds less like a Supreme Court Justice and more like a waiter at Ruby Tuesday”s,” Colbert said. “Plus, Kavanaugh is 53 years old, that’s one year younger than I am. I don’t want some kid making constitutional decisions.”

Some people are concerned that Trump nominated Kavanaugh in hopes that he would overturn Roe v. Wade, but Colbert pointed out that Kavanaugh made sure to let all of us know that he knows a whole bunch of women in his primetime announcement speech and suggested it was another Kavanaugh-penned law proposal that caught the Donald’s attention.

“Back in 2009, Kavanaugh wrote that Congress should pass a law ‘exempting a president – while in office – from criminal prosecution and investigation, including from questioning by criminal prosecutors or defense counsel,’” Colbert read. “Hmm … hmm … so Trump picked the guy who thinks presidents shouldn’t be prosecuted.”

We’ll see if Kavanaugh can secure the position, but women and the LGBTQ community are right to be worried about having their rights stripped away. Until then, we’ll keep finding solace in Colbert’s joke-telling—watch the full segment below.

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